Counseling Heterosexual Spouses of Bisexual Men and Women and Bisexual-Heterosexual Couples

Abstract

SUMMARY In approximately two million current or former marriages in the United States, one of the spouses is bisexual, gay, or lesbian. When lesbian, gay, or bisexual spouses disclose their sexual orientation, their heterosexual spouses face unique issues. Their coping proceeds through common stages from initial trauma to eventual transformation. Mixed-orientation couples, too, progress through typical stages as they deal with complex relationship challenges. Heterosexual spouses of bisexual partners and bisexual-heterosexual couples face the additional challenge of understanding bisexuality. Resolving the issues and coming to terms with the disclosure for spouses and couples may take more than three years. Peer support and counseling help spouses clarify their needs, goals, and values during this period. For therapists working with such clients, scant literature about heterosexual spouses in these marriages and bisexual-heterosexual couples and the general lack of knowledge about bisexuality and mixed-orientation relationships make it difficult to know how best to counsel spouses. Counseling is most effective when therapists know the core issues of heterosexual spouses, typical stages of their resolving them, and the common path through which bisexual-heterosexual couples progress. With effective counseling, heterosexual spouses and bisexual-heterosexual couples are more likely to resolve issues constructively and to grow in individual strength and mutual understanding.