Conflicts over intimacy within mature, happy marriages reliance and reliability in intimate relationships: An interpretive phenomenological analysis

Abstract

AbstractThis study employed interpretive phenomenological analysis to examine the lived experience of 10 middle‐aged, married couples in mature relationships who self‐identified as “happily married” as to how they manage marital conflict over closeness‐distance issues. The researcher was particularly interested in dyadic communication and meta‐communication that occurred before, during and after conflict. Open‐ended questions were used to prompt stories about times when an issue of closeness and distance created conflict in the relationship. The researcher recorded and transcribed the calls and conducted a close analysis of the stories told by the subjects. During the analysis phase, a number of themes emerged. The current article examines two salient themes: a) that a “turning point,” defined as significant crisis or event in life, contributes to the level of intimacy within the dyad; and b) this turning point led the couples to understand that they could rely solely on one another in a time of crisis, thereby increasing the level of intimacy within the relationship. Although the turning point stories were all unpleasant experiences, in every case they served to bring the couple closer together. Further research is needed, but the idea holds some promise as a factor of success/failure of marriages. The present article focuses on the evolution of mutual reliance as a relational value and perhaps as a dimension of intimacy.