Cetera quis nescit? Versui 1.5.25 Ovidianorum Amorum Responsio

Abstract

Cetera quis nescit? Versui 1.5.25 Ovidianorum Amorum Responsio Clifford Weber (bio) and Robert Stoddart (bio) Hesterna gracilis venit mihi nocte Thalia in raro Triviae lumine pulchra deae.At non compositos ornarat flore capillos, pectore nec niveo flava nitebat onyx,sed mirabar uti solito sublimior iret in rugasque essent torta superciliadextraque purpureo velamine mamma careret penderetque brevis vestis ad usque genu.“Unde,” inquam, “haec nova durities, mea candida vita? quidve volens nobis tam truculenta venis?Haud aliter, credo, quondam processit Amazon cum strarat posito corpora multa metu.”Illa tamen dicto citius sic rettulit ore (cum memini, terror frigida membra quatit):“En age, lente, tuam navem mare dirige in altum; mollia non mihi iam scripta, poeta, placent.Abs te quaesitum vehementia carmina veni; terribilis rixas armaque dira canas.Voce cares magna nec dicta pedestria vitas; at tibi quae desunt vimque modumque dabo.”Vix ea fata, levem subito diduxit amictum in lucemque vagam candida membra tulit.Cuncta videns coepi duros effundere versus, atque aliud quiddam duruit inferius.“Stringe stilum, vates, valeat tua fervida virtus; si ludes rigida cuspide, lite fruar.”Incitus his, rabidam propero committere pugnam tela movens, illa terga notante manu. [End Page 51] Delectat pariter cupidis confligere linguis; corpore nunc supero, nunc premit illa supra.Torpuimus tandem nullo victore, sed ex me lacteus effluxit vi moriente cruor.Molle vale carmen, salvete poemata dura; arte canenda nova dulcis et alma Venus. [End Page 52] Last night the Muse of Elegydropped by without her jewelry—no makeup either, frowsy hair;her dress was torn, her breast was bare.I ask her, “Honey, why so forward?Are you promenading whore-ward?Only Daughters of Delightwould walk around like that at night.”She cuts me off and answers quickly(when I remember I feel sickly),“You pansy poet, no excuses;start pumping your creative juices.Literary fame in Romemust rise upon a swelling poem.These prissy couplets are a bore;I’d like some ithyphallics more.Rise to the task—no trepidation:here’s Helicons of inspiration,”she says, and splits her dress apart.I rise to undreamt heights of artwith gnomic quickness, epic strength,and more than Schubert’s divine length.“You need,” she says, “collaboration.Practice dramatic penetration.”After the Entrance, we make merrywith stichomythic thrust and parry.Then her plaintive Chorus goadsmy Hero through three episodes.Alas, her dirge cannot recallhim from his final Tragic Fall.Down comes the curtain, and we bothawait a new poetic growth. [End Page 53] Clifford Weber From 1969 until he retired in 2003, clifford weber taught in the Classics department at Kenyon College, where Robert Stoddart was one of his first and ablest students. He has enjoyed writing Latin versicles since his own days in college. After moving to Japan in 2020, he acquired a new life experience as functional illiterate. Robert Stoddart robert stoddart is a retired tax litigator. Fifty-some years ago, when he wrote this loose paraphrase, he was a student of Cliff Weber. Since then he forgot the lines so thoroughly that he was convinced someone else had written them when he saw the copy Cliff sent him last December—but he never forgot Cliff Weber, who has become a friend as well as a teacher. Copyright © 2023 Clifford Weber