Beyond Infidelity-Related Impasse: An Integrated, Systemic Approach to Couples Therapy

Abstract

Abstract Nowadays, infidelity means more than extramarital sexual relations and includes such acts of betrayal as clandestine spending of household savings and internet or virtual affairs. Despite the most noble of intentions to repair the relationship, impasse often results when the offending partner desires to move on and the offended partner subsequently feels retraumatized and becomes reactive. Unfortunately, family therapists are often responsible for maintaining this impasse by getting stuck in the same content-level arguments as their clients as well as failing to adequately consider contextual factors like gender and power. In this article I propose a theoretical, integrated, systemic therapy model that balances attachment-informed approaches with systems-informed neutrality. The approach focuses on rebuilding attachment while avoiding even tacit, content-level judgment. It is believed that this will help the couple use existing resources to build a loving interpersonal connection where each partn...