Being Responsive and Self-Determined When it Comes to Sex: How and Why Sexual Motivation is Associated with Satisfaction and Desire in Romantic Relationships

Abstract

ABSTRACT Couples experience greater satisfaction and desire when they are motivated to meet each other’s sexual needs (sexual communal strength); however, doing so at the expense of one’s own sexual needs (unmitigated sexual communion) can detract from satisfaction and desire. Self-determination theory suggests engaging in sex for pleasure and value (autonomous reasons) versus out of pressure and obligation (controlled reasons) may account for these differences. Across two dyadic studies, one cross-sectional (N = 103 couples) and one longitudinal (N = 147 couples), people higher in sexual communal strength had sex for more autonomous and less controlled reasons, and in turn, reported greater satisfaction and desire, overall, in daily life, and over time. In contrast, people higher in unmitigated sexual communion endorsed more controlled reasons for engaging in sex, and in turn reported lower satisfaction. Partners of people higher in sexual communal strength reported less controlled reasons for engaging in sex, and in turn, both partners felt more satisfied, whereas partners of people high in unmitigated sexual communion endorsed more controlled reasons and reported lower satisfaction. This research furthers our understanding of when and why being motivated to be responsive to a partner’s sexual needs enhances or detracts from sexual and relationship quality.