Becoming “Us”: Marital Name, Gender, and Agentic Work in Transition to Marriage

Abstract

ObjectiveThe article examines gendered expectations in marital naming and gender differences in how Finnish couples of the opposite sex engage in agentic work when negotiating names in the transition to marriage.BackgroundWhereas most literature focuses on women, this study investigates the decision‐making as a process participated in by both partners. Negotiation on names illustrates the process of becoming “us,” a new family unit in which the name is an important symbol. In this process, the Nordic ideal of gender equality effectuated by the Finnish Names Act, which treats partners symmetrically, collides with the practice of patrilineal surnaming considered as being the “traditional way.”MethodA total of 19 couple interviews were analyzed from the perspective of gender reflexivity and agentic work engaged in by two partners.ResultsQualitative analysis highlighted the following three patterns in couples' reasoning: patrilineal naming as self‐evident, “it's her choice,” and equivalence. In most cases, however, the couples resolved the ambivalence between gender equality and patrilineal naming practices by the agentic work of women, whereas men were privileged to withdraw from the negotiations.ConclusionGendered dynamics of decision‐making point out the subtle ways in which a patriarchal mind‐set continues to have a hold on family formation at the micro‐level of family relationships despite the widespread acceptance of gender equality in society.