Are you into me? Uncertainty and sexual desire in online encounters and established relationships

Abstract

Do feelings of uncertainty about existing or potential relationships spice up relationships or impair them? Six studies employed complementary methods to examine whether relationship uncertainty affects partners' sexual desirability, and whether expressions of partners' regard influence these effects. In Studies 1–4, participants interacted online with confederates who were either clear or vague about their romantic intentions. Results showed that relationship uncertainty had detrimental effects on confederates' appeal only when they were perceived as uninterested in the participants. Moreover, explicit expressions of romantic interest fostered certainty about confederates' behavioral intentions, thereby enhancing their appeal. Using survey and daily experiences methodologies, Studies 5 and 6 replicated these findings in established relationships, demonstrating that partners' regard predicted lower uncertainty, which, in turn, was associated with greater perceived partner desirability. These findings suggest that inhibiting desire serves as a mechanism aimed at protecting the self from investing in a relationship whose future is uncertain.