Are the Kids All Right? A Qualitative Study of Adults with Gay and Lesbian Parents

Abstract

Based on semi-structured, in-depth interviews, this article examines the experiences of twenty adults with gay and lesbian parents. Faced with ruptures in significant childhood attachments and strains in parent–child bonds, respondents developed coping strategies to deal with the disruptions to their bonds with others and the demands of forced autonomy that are the result of the creation of new identities. How and when they were told of their parents’ sexual orientation proved to be the fulcrum for how they were able to manage their identities as the children of gay and lesbian parents. The sexual orientation of their parents did not prove to be an issue for these respondents; instead the reactions of others proved to be a critical component for how they were able to create meanings in their lives—their identities were reinforced by positive interactions, and challenged by negative interactions. In the end, the influence of parental sexual orientation was less important, in relation to how respondents were able to construct meanings, and develop and maintain identities, than the qualities of familial relationships and interactions.