An Assessment of Montaigne's Marital Relationship

Abstract

On August 18, 1563, Etienne de La Boetie died at Germignan, near the city of Bordeaux. He was thirty-three years old and had possibly been Montaigne's only close friend. The memory of La Boetie would always haunt Montaigne's thought and emotions, for it is La Boetie who inspires the most beautiful pages written by Montaigne on friendship, more moving and sincere in tone than anything he ever wrote about love and women. The loss of La Boetie left Montaigne, then thirty years old, confused and disturbed by a sense of desperation. Until that time, the idea of marriage never seemed to have crossed his mind, nor did such an idea even appear to have any usefulness. Two years later, nevertheless, on September 23, 1565, Montaigne married Franc;oise de Lachassaigne, the daughter of a member of the Parlement de Bordeaux. Obviously Montaigne had restricted the social environment of his future spouse to the fairly small world of honorable magistrates. As one critic puts it: Entre cette famille et celle de Montaigne il y avait deja des liens.1 Franc;oise belonged to a desirable milieu and the class-oriented circumstances surrounding Montaigne's marriage may easily suggest that this marriage was one of convenience and a social match: both bride and groom were well off. 2 One may even wonder if Montaigne did not try to find some consolation in his marriage to Franc;oise after La Boetie's death. When he speaks about his indolent decision to marry he does so in a very disenchanted tone. Had he listened to Socrates, he would have remained a bachelor, for Socrate, enquis qui estoit plus commode prendre ou ne prendre point de femme: 'Lequel des deux on face, dit-il, on s'en repentira'''.3 He nevertheless gave in: De mon dessein, j'eusse fuy d'espouser la sagesse mesme, si elle m'eust voulu. Mais, nous avons beau dire, la coustume et l'usage de la vie commune nous emporte. La plus part de mes actions se conduisent par exemple, non par chois. Toutefois je ne m'y conviay pas proprement, on m'y mena, et y fus porte par des occasions estrangeres. 4 We do not detect much enthusiasm, but rather a mild willingness to do the proper thing. Montaigne admits he is part of a marche, which does not