‘All together now!’ Couples and the ontological problem of cohabitation as a form of life

Abstract

The aim of this essay is that of analysing cohabitation as a form of life, according to its ontological status. This way of investigating leads to a comparison with marriage as a specific institution and with the conversation rules between partners. From the empirical analysis of more than 50 interviews with cohabitating couples comes the idea of a relationship whose intent is reciprocal care and assistance in everyday life. In other words, cohabitation is not a mere refusal of marriage as an institution, in the perspective of the interviewed, but seems to represent the lifestyle that best expresses the political ideal of a liberal-democratic society based on conversation between free and consenting individuals. At first glance cohabitation shows an ontological status of its own, a sort of ‘marriage conversation’. Yet, deploying a deeper way of analysis and following a critical realist and relational epistemology, one can notice that such status is influenced by an abstract expansion of the present as the only possible dimension for the couple. As soon as one thinks about shared future plans, the implied call of a married perfection of one's life experience strikes back, revealing the existence of a hidden rule towards marriage as a form of life. The importance of cohabitation is now conceived as the relevance of contingency and unselected opportunities. This fact reveals the limits of the individualized perspective influencing the everyday life of cohabiting couples. Doubts on ontological independence of cohabitation are still many, with its constant and ambivalent reference to the marriage dimension.