Adoptive Gay Fathers: Transformations of the Masculine Homosexual Self

Abstract

This article discusses transformations of the masculine homosexual self that occur in gay men who decide to parent in the context of a committed relationship. Using a developmental narrative approach, 10 adoptive gay fathers (5 couples) participated in multiple open-ended interviews (both individually and as couples). Data were transcribed and analyzed using thematic analysis. Findings from this study indicate that fathering was a catalyst for participants' crafting new definitions of homosexual masculinity that emphasized relational and generative aspects of self. Specifically, fathering catapulted participants into a second coming-out process that helped them shed more layers of internalized oppression and redefine homosexual masculinity using fewer external referents such as personal attractiveness or an active social life. Participants also shifted their sense of membership in the gay community, partly because, for most parents, their community of reference became other parents of young children, but partly in response to their perception that the gay community regarded their focus on fathering ambivalently and with mixed support. Ultimately, the meaning that participants ascribed to their fathering role dramatically changed how they understood and enacted their homosexual masculinity.