A Suburban Funeral

Abstract

The author examines the most traumatic event of his life: the death of his mom. Detailed memories of times spent with his mom, as well as memories of the day of and the days after her death, provide the means through which the author goes about achieving two primary goals: first, and quite simply, the author seeks to tell a compelling story; second, the author searches for answers to a question that has plagued him for the last decade and a half: what does his mom’s death have to do with the collapse of his motivation for pursuing romantic relationships? The very specific traumatic feeling associated with his mother’s loss—an eternally unfulfilled longing—replicated itself within this secondary realm of his life, thereby causing the author to relive his greatest trauma every day. Through autoethnographic reflection and writing, the author arrives at conclusions about his mother’s death, as well as the loss of the second most important woman in his life sixteen months later, realizing that these two events have resulted in a form of PTSD.