Abstract
This article aimed to investigate how “selves” were created from the process of creating subjectivity. The research methodology is a qualitative research using autoethnography and life story telling. The self-reflection could bring back to the specific moments in the past, and analyze actions and thoughts. From the self-reflection, there are two conflicted selves; ‘liberated or independent’ self (from gender norms), and ‘self-in-cage’ or ‘self-in-society’ (which suppressed under “unseen cages” or social norms and religious belief unconsciously). This subjectivity can be considered as “an unfinished project” because the processes of creating liberated self and a self-in-cage are happening all the time. They were pushed and pulled again and again by society and even by own self. It cannot be seen as totally liberated or trapped in the unseen cages. They win and lose at the same time.
Highlights
I am just an ordinary woman who have been through a lot of wonderful and terrible moments in my life
Life story is good at enabling people to recollect the past and document change, especially where some events could have been missed out through other methods requiring simple recall of facts
The first one is „liberated or independent‟ self which I believe I can stay outside Thai gender norms
Summary
I am just an ordinary woman who have been through a lot of wonderful and terrible moments in my life. I could not adjust myself to be a mother and a good life partner. I am seen as a sexual predator because I told the public that I loved dating with younger men. I am stigmatized with several terms by a lot of people around me. My wounds were much severe that once I nearly took my own live. I become a mental illness patient with depression. People with mental illnesses know that they are believed to be unpredictable and dangerous (Link & Phelan, 2000). If I were a cat with nine lives, I already used all of them
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