3 - Parenting Children with Attachment Disorders

Abstract

Parents of a Reactive Attachment Disordered (RAD) child often silently carry bruises where their child has inflicted pain on their bodies and their hearts, yet they still seek answers and solutions rather than turn away. In order to understand and have a well-defined perspective of the solutions, one must clearly see the problem. Until the child can see the way out, feel safe enough to try and have someone love them enough to lower a steady ladder, the disturbed child will find ways to remain isolated. As the loving caregivers lower the ladder of skills that require trust and the child grabs hold of the concepts and climbs, each step brings him closer to the top. The parents' feet must be on solid ground and steadied before they can reach out to their child. They then can lower a ladder with the steps to success necessary for the child to succeed. Parents need to prepare by—resting, gaining power through knowledge, gathering a support system, reestablishing authority, and facing the problem. As the child reaches for each of the rungs of the ladder and continues the ascent they become stronger. As the child attains new strength he or she becomes more able to handle more privileges. When parents are clear that this child is now on steady ground and ready to move forward with his or her life, then returning some of those items or activities that were enjoyed together is a possibility. Adding them too soon may sabotage their progress.