The pulsed radio emission of rotating neutron stars is connected to slow tearing instabilities feeding off an inhomogeneous twist profile within the open circuit. This paper considers the stability of a weakly sheared, quantizing magnetic field in which the current is supported by a relativistic particle flow. The electromagnetic field is almost perfectly force free, and particles are confined to the lowest Landau state, experiencing no appreciable curvature drift. In a charge-neutral plasma, we find multiple branches of slowly growing tearing modes, relativistic analogs of the double-tearing mode, with peak growth rate . Here, B z is the strong (nearly potential) guide magnetic field, J z the field-aligned current density, and is the mode wavenumber normalized by the current gradient scale. These modes are overstable when the plasma carries a net charge, with the real frequency proportional to the imbalance in the densities of positive and negative charges. An isolated current sheet thinner than the skin depth supports localized tearing modes with growth rate scaling as (sheet thickness/skin depth)−1/2. In a pulsar, the peak growth rate is comparable to the angular frequency of rotation, , slow compared with the longitudinal oscillations of particles and fields in a polar gap. The tearing modes experience azimuthal drift reminiscent of subpulse drift and are a promising driver of pulse-to-pulse flux variations. A companion paper demonstrates a Cerenkov-like instability of current-carrying Alfvén waves in thin current sheets with relativistic particle flow and proposes coherent curvature emission by these waves as a source of pulsar radio emission.