Umberson, Debra. DEATH OF A PARENT: TRANSITION TO A NEW ADULT IDENTITY. Cambridge University Press, 2003, hardcover, 255 pages. ISBN#0-521-81338-7I remember when my mother-in-law called us one night to tell us that my husband's father had suffered a heart attack and might not make it through the night. I took the phone call and remember the oddest feeling: that my husband and I would be alone in the world, without Mac to turn to for advice and guidance, and that we were graduating up a generation and would be the ones on whom others would depend. I was amazed that these feelings flooded through me. Having read Umberson's book, I have begun to understand much more about how normal those feelings are.I loved this rich and deeply thought-provoking book on the impact of the death of a parent. The book looks at normative grief [although one parent in the book was murdered] and how the entire family dynamic is altered by the death of a parent. This major, albeit anticipated, change in our lives can have far-reaching and long-lasting impacts on middle-aged adult children. The death of a parent can, in fact, represent a turning point in our emotional, social, and personal lives, to say nothing of how we see ourselves and relate to the rest of the world.Umberson has based her book on a massive qualitative/quantitative study with groundbreaking research, very in-depth interviews, and data collected nationwide. She points out that adult children, even 50 or 60 years old, are far from being finished beings. In fact, the death of a parent can trigger enormous personal and marital changes for the adult child. The death of a parent can initiate profound changes in the child, in beliefs, behaviors, self-views, goals, careers and the sense of oneself. We are transformed, whether for good or for bad, for the rest of our lives by the death of a parent.Umberson is Professor and Chair of Sociology at the University of Texas at Austin. The research for this book was supported by a FIRST Award from the National Instituted on Aging. As a former social worker, Umberson has worked with terminally ill patients and their families. She is the author of 36 articles and chapters on family relationships and health. She lectures on issues of death and dying at the University of Texas.As Umberson points out, adults expect their parents to precede them in death; nonetheless, the death of a parent, even following a long illness, is still a shock. Even ordinary adults [those without mental health or instability problems] can be very strongly affected by the death of a parent. The death of a parent signals an important turning point in the lives of adults, with changes to how we view ourselves, our marriages, our own children, our jobs, our priorities, and our own future deaths.The central message of this book is that it is quite common for the death of a parent to have a profound effect on ordinary adult children. These changes can affect our interpersonal relationships, our work, behaviors, social roles and how we view ourselves. For some adult children, the loss is keen and persistent while for others the loss is freeing if the parent has been hyper-critical throughout one's life. Society tends to acknowledge other important rites of passage....birth, marriage....but not the death of a parent, every bit as important a rite of passage, one which changes forever how we relate to the world around us. Umberson points out that the process of ending one phase of life [being an adult child with two parents] and beginning a new one [becoming motherless or fatherless or both] creates upheaval for most people. In this final transition into adulthood, the death of a parent provokes a period of intense self-reflection and an important transformation of adult identity. The death of a parent, as Umberson found in her research, is a life-altering, if little understood, experience for most. Interestingly, Umberson found that Although gender differences in the experience of parent loss are a consistent theme throughout this book, the national data reveal that the effects of the loss on mental health, physical health, and relationships rarely differ on the basis of race, socioeconomic status, or the age of adults. …
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