This study investigates the frequency of conflicts over the division of domestic labor among heterosexual couples with dependent children ( N = 1597), considering the actual division of labor, perceived fairness about the division of labor, spouses’ levels of general appreciation for one another, varying preferences for housework and housekeeping standards, and role expectations. By applying actor–partner interdependence models (APIMs) to data from the representative German Panel Analysis of Intimate Relationships and Family Dynamics (pairfam) (wave 11), we analyze actor and cross-partner effects simultaneously, allowing us to consider the concept of dyadic interdependency derived from social exchange and gender theories. Results indicate that it is not the division of labor that is decisive for conflicts in relationships, but what is perceived to be fair. While men require approval from their spouses when they deviate from normative gender standards, women need housework to not be merely thought of as their natural responsibility. The results are used to suggest how conflicts over domestic labor can be avoided among parents during the intense life phase of childcare.
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