What Parents Are Not Told May Hurt: A Study of Communication between Teen-Agers and Parents

Abstract

While communication difficulties occur in some degree for virtually every young person at some time about some topic I hasten to say that such troubles are to be regarded as normal for the majority. They appear as a common circumstance a typical condition for most. For a rare few the degree of trouble is so slight that it is overlooked or soon forgotten. Rare individuals experience near-perfect relationships or so they report. On the other hand I believe I can show that many experience truly hurtful occasions of blocked communication. Also my informants sustain what some other observers have said: A too-large minority suffer personality damages and severe social disorders of long duration. The impact of a damaged personality or of his shattered family relationships cannot limit itself to the one individual. The impact will necessarily extend into his social contacts wherever they may occur. My study of the subject convinces me that there are interesting variations when different topics are talked about. Boys have somewhat different problems with a given list of topics than girls do. There is variation in the list of difficult topics when discussion takes place with mothers or with fathers. The reasons differ too for each of the four sex-paired combinations: son-father daughter-father son- mother daughter-mother. Inasmuch as I have studied teen-agers at college freshman and high school freshman levels I am able to supply some interesting comparative speculations about changes which growing up seems to bring about. (excerpt)