Unfulfilled desire for children--what is the grief for men?

Abstract

The present paper addresses the topic of involuntary childlessness and its psychological sequelae for the fathers-to-be. There are at least two different psychological stresses men have to cope with: not being able to generate a child, and missing a child as one's life fulfillment. A short review of empirical research on male coping with infertility illustrates that men suffer from involuntary childlessness as do women. Nevertheless, the quality of the psychological burden remains open. Results from the Heidelberg Research Project on Male Infertility are summarized to assess this quality. Involuntary childlessness does not entail psychological sufferings for all patients; indeed, it is only a subgroup that remains fixated to the wish to have a child for psychological reasons. The project data elucidate the motives behind this fixation. They show that the most important psychological burden is not the narcissistic wound not to be able to generate a child, but the frustration of hope invested into the longed--for child on whom many otherwise unfulfilled aspirations are projected.