Abstract
This study investigated the stories of heterosexual women who experienced a husband coming out as gay and a consequential marital separation. Interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used. Loss, anger, spousal empathy and concerns regarding societal prejudice were reported. Additional stress was experienced when others minimised the experience due to the gay sexual orientation of their husband. Experiencing positive communication with their husband during and after the disclosure aided the resolution of the emotional injury experienced by them. They all eventually ‘let go’ of their husband. This involved a process of reconceptualising the self as separated. Findings indicate the importance of supporting women to re-focus on their needs during and following marital dissolution. The importance of non-judgemental support for marital loss, rather than a focus on the gay sexual orientation of the spouse, was highlighted.
Highlights
IntroductionWhen a husband ‘comes out’ as gay (accepting and revealing oneself as gay), it impacts the family unit
When a husband ‘comes out’ as gay, it impacts the family unit
While being ‘out’ is linked to increased relationship quality [44], the findings show that such benefits did not apply to their marriage
Summary
When a husband ‘comes out’ as gay (accepting and revealing oneself as gay), it impacts the family unit. Little is known about the experiences of the heterosexual spouse. Stress and anxiety regarding the implications of a gay identity being at odds with their religious faith or community of the couple can occur [2, 3]. The altered sexual orientation identity of a spouse may include changes in behaviour, group affiliation, personal values and norms [4, 5]. A fear of rejection by family, friends, or a religious community can result in suppression and isolation, especially in more conservative or homophobic environments [6, 7]
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