La insoportable soledad de ser un "no ser". Ser un "Don nadie"

Abstract

This presentation is about the pain and suffering felt by people who, right from early childhood, have been disconnected from their emotions. Lack of affection and insecure attachment bonds are breeding grounds, “kitchens”, where false identities, role reversal or identities of feeling insignificant to their caregivers are cooked; this is what they refer to as being "nobody". Two clinical cases are used to illustrate this way of being in the world. "They might say good or bad things about me, but at least they talk about me", says Antonio, the 41-year-old patient we'll be discussing in this presentation. It is within the patient-therapist bond where patients find an opportunity to learn a new way of interacting and relating to others. Modifying their implicit relational knowing, they have a second chance to build a secure attachment with their therapist. We are emotional beings, regulating emotions through our relations; thus, our principal focus is relationships/interactions. "You're my only support,” says the patient to the therapist, “I can be me, Antonio, with you; but outside I'm Anthony, the dealer and addict". It's from here on that he can forgo feeling "nobody" and gain access to his singularity: simply be himself. This can come about because he has felt listened to and seen by his therapist. Feeling felt helps to build his identity.