Go Ask Mom: The Gendered Dynamics of Color-Conscious Racial Socialization among White Parents

Abstract

Abstract While most white parents avoid discussing race and racism with their children or tell them to be color-blind, recent research suggests that a growing number of color-conscious white parents intentionally talk with their children about racism as an ongoing, systemic issue. However, this research gives little attention to parents’ gender. Using interviews with 28 color-conscious white heterosexual parents, we examine how and why gender influences parents’ race-related conversations with their children. We show that, in theory, mothers and fathers share similar beliefs about race/racism and the need to discuss it with their children. In practice, however, mothers overwhelmingly shoulder these conversations. We trace this paradox back to mothers’ distinctively color-conscious refashioning of intensive mothering practices—which involves both personal and community-level work at the race-parenting intersection—that fathers do not undertake. This gender gap in parents’ personal/community work around race influences contrasting approaches to race-related conversations with their children, with mothers being more proactive and fathers being more passive. This dynamic ultimately casts race as a “Mom topic” within color-conscious white families. We argue that this can inhibit more egalitarian realizations of color-conscious white racial socialization and carries important implications for the sustainability and outcomes of these efforts.