For Better or Worse? Self-Esteem and the Contingencies of Acceptance in Marriage

Abstract

A longitudinal daily diary study examined the origins and consequences of perceiving a partner's acceptance and love as contingent on professional success. Both members of 154 couples completed a diary for 21 days. Multilevel analyses revealed that low self-esteem men and women felt more accepted and loved by their partner on days when their professional lives were marked by success, and low self-esteem women felt less accepted and loved on days when their professional lives were marked by failure. No such spillover effects between people's professional and relationship lives emerged for people high in chronic selfesteem. A 1-year longitudinal follow-up revealed that people who initially felt less accepted across days reported decreased satisfaction. Men also became especially distressed when their wives felt less accepted initially and (incorrectly) perceived their husbands' regard as contingent.